The following is the script of the Ad Zap we did in our office and fetched us the first prize. It is about a mobile phone called Pokia which helps everybody in various situation and in various eras.

POKIA - Poking People

It doesn’t vibrate – it just pokes

Scene 1 (MAHABHARATH)

(Dushadana is trying to remove Draupadi’s saree and other Kauravas are enjoying)

Draupadi: Oh!! God!! Please save me… Krishna you are the only one who can save me. Please!!!!

Dushadana: Hahahaha!! You stupid woman!! Don’t you know that Krishna has taken LTA and has gone to his native place Mathura???

Draupadi: So what? I will try to reach him on his mobile….(Takes her mobile and tries to call Krishna) Oh Heavens!! His line is busy… I only hope he sees Call Waiting and calls back

(On the other side of the stage)

Krishna: Hi Radha sweetie!!!! Don’t worry darling I will take you to Barista this evening and buy you a Café Latte and from there we will go to FASHION. I will buy you all the clothes worn by Priyanka Chopra in the movie. No!! No!! I wont take Bama to the movie. I will buy her a pirated DVD and ask her to watch it at home.. Theek Hai??

Draupadi: This is 3 much!! He is not calling back. Let me try calling on his POKIA phone. (Calls him)

(Pokia phone pokes him so much that he had to cut Radha’s call to take Draupadi’s)

Krishna: Yeah Draupadi tell me.

Draupadi: (Music)…………………………. This is what happened. Now I don’t know what you will do. Get me a saree now and save me… make sure it’s a Printed Silk Saree.

Krishna: I am terribly sorry Draupadi!! There are no stocks of sarees in Mathura now. I have gifted everything to my girlfriends and wives. That’s the problem of having too many. Anyways, can I send you a chudidhar that too without a dupatta?

Draupadi: Krishna, you playboy!! Its ok send me anything, even if it is jeans or T shirt or shorts, its ok with me. Please send it at the earliest may be through Blue Tooth!!!!

(Krishna sends it)

Draupadi: Thank you Krishna!! Thank you Pokia!!

Pokia - Saving People

Scene II (MAHABHARATH AGAIN)

(A fierce battle is on between Karna and Arjuna)

Arjuna: KARNA!!! Tumko kya KARNA????

Karna: You stupid Arjuna!! Let me kill you with this Vishnu Astra…. (Prays and sends the Astra which doesn’t even go near Arjuna) Sorry.. I have been operated because of Cataract problem.

Arjuna: You blind fox.. let me use the VAYU ASTRA!!!

(He bends and FARTS (vayu astra))

Karna: (Unable to tolerate the smell) You indecent fellow Arjuna!! What did you have for breakfast?? Let me use a modern astra….(Does some action that resembles like a car and sends it)

Arjuna: What’s that??

Karna: That’s OPEL ASTRA

Arjuna: Non sense fellow!! How do I kill you???? Yeah now I have an idea. (Takes his Pokia phone and sends it)

(Pokia Astra pokes Karna to death)

Pokia – Killing People

THIS IS THE STORY OF HOW POKIA SAVED MAHABHARATH



Scene III (RAMAYANA)

(Kumbakarna is sleeping and everyone is trying to wake him up)

Person 1 : Kumbakarna!! Kumbakarna!! You know what your beloved brother Ravana has been killed in the war…..

Kumbakarna: (Not a bit bothered).. So What! (Goes back to sleep)

Person 2: Kumbakarna!! Bipasha Basu has come to meet you and that too in Saawariya style.

Kumbakarna: (No reaction)…(Snoring away to glory)

Person 3: Hello Mister!! I have brought food for you!

Kumbakarna: (slightly opening his eyes) From where??

Person 3: From Ocwen Canteen!!

Kumbakarna: I would prefer to sleep than to even look at that food.

Person 4: Let me try using a new technique!! I will call him on his Pokia phone. (Calls him)

(Pokia phone pokes Kumbakarna so much that he woke up and got ready for the war)

Pokia – Waking People

I thought of trying my hand in poem, of course a silly one (what else can you expect from me!!). So I chose the company I work for as the topic

A Poem

The company's name is derived from the reverse of NEWCO
Where there is no space for us to play KHOKHO

We are into loan servicing and fulfillment of MORTGAGE
The office is about 5 kms from the home for OLD AGE

Even though the world’s economy is DOWN
They haven’t sent us back to our TOWN

We find it hard to work in between the BREAKS
And won’t take leave on Friday to attack the CAKES

On the 7th floor is the most interesting element called CARROM
Which is as addictive as Whiskey, Brandy & RUM

We are frequent visitors to our next door neighbor, STAR BAZAAR
I don’t know why the look their employees give us is so BIZARRE

Together as a group we have loads of fun and FROLIC
Sometimes causing utter nuisance to the PUBLIC

Usually the grub is horrible and awful in the CANTEEN
If we add one to Twelve it becomes THIRTEEN

Even our pantry is equally worse with its terrible TEA
I guess the management won’t show us any PITY

All said and done I have wonderful set of COLLEAGUES
Who are as exciting as Indian Premier LEAGUES

En Route to Paris with Jai

I simply cannot forget my Paris trip especially the flight journey with 17 other classmates of mine. We were supposed to do a two week project in France as part of our MBA curriculum. All of us assembled at the airport along with our parents/guardians who had come to see us off. There was this guy with us by name Jai, a typical innocent villager who was traveling in the flight for the first time. He was accompanied by his dad, mom, grandfather, grandmother, uncle, aunt, cousin, 2nd cousin, dad’s 2nd cousin and 22 others. In short, his whole village had come to see him off and the airport was so crowded that the authorities planned to put a House Full board outside which thoroughly confused the other flights set to land.

Jai was scared to death to travel in flight and at that time one of his relatives said “Yesterday I read in the newspaper that a flight was hijacked and all the passengers were held hostages!!” and Jai’s fear quadrupled. All 18 of us went inside to check in and the counters were so far off that I thought we need a chartered flight inside to reach our respective counters. Jai weighed over 250 pounds and his baggage weighed exactly double. He was asked to remove all unwanted stuff and he had no other option but to let go off the pressure cooker, food processor, 10 pounds of rice, and mini refrigerator filled with toffees.

After all the formalities, we were inside the flight and unfortunately my seat was next to Jai’s. He was so big that even Bill Gates would become poor paying for his liposuction. He found it very difficult to wear his seat belt in spite of being a green belt in Six Sigma. The flight attendant had to rope in 3 more meters of belt to fir Jai inside. Jai was praying sincerely that his journey should be safe and sound. He was not sure if it would be safe but it was definitely sound. A 3 year old baby boy cried at his full pitch which synchronized with the ignition sound. After a couple of minutes that boy was pacified by his mom and stopped crying yet I kept hearing crying sound. That was our big man crying sitting next to me and praying at the same time. Just then, we heard an announcement from the captain “WELCOME ON BOARD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! THANK YOU FOR FLYING XYZ AIRLINES AND IT IS A GREAT PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU HERE. OH MY GOD”. Silence followed for about 5 minutes and all the passenger’s hearts were in their mouths. The announcement continued “I AM SORRY, WHEN I WAS TALKING TO ALL OF YOU THE ATTENDANT SPILLED SOME COFFEE ON MY TROUSERS. HA HA HA. NOW YOU SHOULD LOOK AT THE FRONT OF MY TROUSERS”. I was telling myself, “Now you should look at the back of Jai’s trousers!!”

Jai suddenly got excited and called me to tell that his great grand father once told him that people will look like ants when you are in flight and how true it was. I blamed my destiny for sitting next to him and told him that they are actual ants and we haven’t taken off and still in runway. Finally, the flight took off and within few minutes we were 35000 feet above the sea level. By that time Jai was also out of the fear and was enjoying his journey. He wanted to start off with his obsession, passion, fascination, ambition – EATING. He kept calling the flight attendant so many times and the ring of the bell that calls the attendant was so frequent that it reminded of a telephone ring. He had breakfast, lunch, dinner and evening snacks together at the same time as an appetizer. Then Jai started off with his second obsession, passion, fascination, ambition – SLEEPING. I thought I would be relieved of all his troubles while he sleeps. But the kind of person he is, he didn’t let me be in peace by his Electric Motor Simulated SNORING. He snored so much that the pilot thought there was some problem with the engine and double checked before continuing. All the passengers in the flight except Jai forgot the meaning of sleeping. Finally we reached Paris and all of us were ready to get out of the flight and Jai was still sleeping. All of us including the pilot were trying to wake Jai up and he wouldn’t budge. Then we almost emptied the Pacific Ocean by throwing liters and liters of water on him and he woke up and asked “IS IT RAINING? I FELT FEW DROPS FALLING ON ME”. I simply pitied the condition of the French people who were going to undergo the after effects of a massive virus entry into their Homeland. I got to find out after reaching Paris that the entire crew of our flight resigned after landing.

Diwali ‘08

I know it is way too late to write about Diwali but I wanted to pen down my experience now as the next Diwali is also fast approaching. This was my first Diwali after marriage and it really was very special. We went to Raji’s parents’ house to spend DIW (first part of Diwali!!) I always maintain distance with their pet dog Chintu, a Lhasa apso as both of us are scared of each other. He has so much hair that would even cover his eyes and one day I incidentally mistook him to be my towel and lifted him just to feel his teeth impression on my hand with a profound pain. Amongst all his duties, he would never forget to make me feel jealous by coming near me and quiver his body which will make all his hair to move in all directions and go back with a sense of achievement.

I woke up early in the morning, took oil bath, wore new clothes and was all set for a festival to begin. My FIL had already bought some crackers for me to burst and I did some justice to that. I was fascinatingly bursting crackers after about 15 years. 2000 and 5000 wala were the two to begin with. The later started in the morning and didn’t stop until noon. Chintu was scared to death at the sound of the crackers like any of his fellow beings. Knowing that I was the reason for the continuous sound for about 3 hours, he got even angrier at me and this time his quiver near me was much more powerful than before.

My MIL is a wonderful cook and the afternoon lunch was splendid with all the items of Ponnuswamy present on the plate except for the bill. From mutton biriyani to fish fry and from chilly chicken to prawns fry everything was there and after eating my plate was looking like Kurukshetra Warfield. We relished the food, took some deserving rest and proceeded to Kancheepuram in the evening. The road in which my in-law’s house was located underwent some repair and the hole the corporation dug was nastily closed. It resembled a small mountain and when my FIL’s car crossed that there was a loud scratching sound from beneath the car. That small mountain left a deep scar on the car as well as on my FIL’s heart. His HONDA CITY was subjected to CHENNAI CITY’S ATROCITY. .

I got so interested in bursting crackers especially the ones which go upwards and burst in the midst of the air with lots of colors. On the way we thought we will buy some to burst in my house for the evening and went to a shop. There were lots of new varieties of crackers and I really felt historic in that place. The shopkeeper introduced me to various new products like Abdul Kalam fire works which sends the rocket straight to the space and sometimes to the moon. There was Bipasha Basu rocket which goes up removes all its covers and then would burst and I was so surprised to see Sreesanth bomb which would be there in next day’s newspaper however it bursts. We selected a few and went home. Ali (Second part of Diwali) was with my parents in Kancheepuram which was equally great. New crackers, great food and Boring TV programs continued in the temple town as well.

I cannot forget this Diwali for one more important event which happened the previous evening. I met my role model, idol and icon – Crazy Mohan. We went to his play “Chocolate Krishna” after which I and Raji had a wonderful chance to meet him. He was such a down to earth person who readily agreed to pose for us inspite of being very busy in packing all the drama stuff. Special thanks to my FIL to make this happen. See attached photo.

GRADUATION DAY SPEECH

The following will be an imaginary speech for the college students on their Graduation Day.

Good Evening boys and girls!! It’s a great honor for me to address the energetic, ever naughty, mischievous, trend setting and a fashion crazy set of wonderful students. I thank the management for giving me the opportunity and at the same time really pity them for the grave mistake they have done by asking me to address you.

The reason I called you all Trend Setters is because of our people’s taste. They will blindly follow the college students. I remember when I was a student one day when we were working in the chemistry lab; some chemical fell on my friend’s jeans. When we tried to help him by cleaning it with some cloth, the color of the jeans near the thighs also sincerely came off along with the chemical. Then everybody started following that and it’s now called Faded Jeans. My other friend when he was going alone in the street, a couple of mad dogs chased him, bit him all over and his jeans was torn near the knees and now it’s a fashion. Nowadays people are ready to pay more for faded and torn jeans than for the normal ones.

The other common qualities of you all are that you don’t eat well. It holds good mostly for girls because they don’t eat well to maintain their figures. When I look at the girls out here, I have to keep telling myself that I am in a college not in an elementary school. You are all so skinny that you can even dodge raindrops. Please start eating well. When we were in college, our college girls didn’t pay so much attention to their figures and they ate reasonably well. One of the girls was so fat that when she fell in love, it broke.

Please start sleeping well as well. I know a college student who didn’t sleep one night as he had gone for a party. The next day he went to college in a drowsy state and went to Physics class instead of Economics. The professor was teaching about Atomic Fusion and Nuclear Fusion and this guy was left with only one fusion – Confusion.

I know the economic conditions are bad now for getting a job. Finding a job nowadays is like finding Tropicana in Tropic of Cancer. But I am sure you guys are capable of finding a wonderful job for yourselves. Please be confidant and you would definitely grow up in life. I once again thank the management and the teachers for giving me the opportunity to address all of you. You have been a wonderful audience. Eat well, Sleep well and LAUGH well. Thank you.

Home Town Sweet Home Town
I am really excited and acutely animated to visit my hometown Kancheepuram for Deepavali after almost 3 months. This temple town has grown rapidly like a Complan kid for the past 5 years. Right from the standard of living to the cost of living everything has gone up. There are supermarkets, car showrooms, branded garments, good restaurants, foreign goods etc. There is nothing that we don’t have in Kancheepuram now except for the Statue of Liberty.
When it comes to people and their way of dressing, the town has seen a radical change. When I was young, I remember going to Chennai to buy clothes for festivals. That was largely because of the kind of garments available in the town and the taste of the inmates. They used to wear such bright shirts that would even affect the eyes of a blind man. The colors range from cotton candy color, bright yellow to all 7 rainbow colors in one. You cannot look into one shirt for more than a minute. When you walk on the roads during festival times, you’d require a sunglass to protect your eye. Even Color TVs in Kancheepuram came in Bright Pink, Bright green colors those days.
Shopping was one of the nightmares those days. There was no concept of supermarket or malls. If we get onions and tomatoes in the same shop, that is called the Supermarket. The only mall the inmates knew those days was GOL MALL. Nobody heard of home delivery of provisions and I remember the first time when it was introduced everybody started asking if it would be normal delivery or caesarian. Nowadays if you pay more, the provisions is not only getting home delivered, but they help in stacking it in the containers and very soon the time will come that they will cook, feed us and then leave I guess.
The girls in Kancheepuram were so not worried about their looks that it would reflect in their way of dressing. Their size would be 36-24-36 and that would be only for LEFT ARM. They used to be so fat that Government gave them a separate pin code. Their IQ level would be much less than their waist line. According to them Sherlock Holmes would be some Housing Project and Tiger Woods would be a thick forest in Africa. They were not interested in anything else other than gossiping. They had wonderful Sense of Rumor. But now, the trend has completely changed and the girls in Kancheepuram are scoring much more than guys in all the exams and they are getting more modern these days. They have started wearing clothes which start late and end early.
Even though there are changes in all coordinates, the nature of the people was, is and will be very good. They are so good natured that it would put heroes of Indian cinema to shame. There are certain things which will not be available in a city but only in a town. That is a different feeling altogether and should definitely be experienced to appreciate that. EAST OR WEST Kancheepuram is the BEST.

ROOT CANAL TREATMENT

One unpleasant evening I was sitting in my office canteen and was browsing through the menu card. From the time I joined, there was no change in the menu but only in the rates which increased like the BP of a patient being checked by a beautiful nurse. I finally settled with samosa without knowing the lethal consequence it would generate. First 2 bites were good, crisp and tasty. The third bite was toooo crispy than anybody would expect and I heard a crackling sound in my mouth. One of my teeth was half broken. Only “too” was remaining and “th” was gone. The next bite was so painful that I almost met my late grandfather and came back. That definitely called for a visit to the dentist.

I took Raji also with me to the dentist and we were waiting for our turn in the lobby along with some really weird patients. There was a huge guy with teeth so big like piano keys and they were so yellow that when he smiles the traffic might slow down. I guess if he drinks water it might turn into Maaza inside his mouth. There was one more lady whose teeth were so crooked that her mouth looked like a DIRECTIONS board. I was praying God that both of them should be the dentist’s first time patients and they should not have come to sue him for their condition. The clinic was so small, that if the doctor orders for a Large Pizza he has to come out and eat.
My turn came and both of us walked into the small clinic to be greeted by a soft looking person and his assistant. I explained my problem to him thinking that he would work on my broken tooth for 10 minutes and get that alright. He asked me to sit on the reclining chair and I reclined so much that I thought I was in Aerobics class. The spotlight was on me and he asked me to open my mouth wider, wider and more wider. If the dentist was a little short I would have accommodated him in my mouth itself. He spotted the problem and removed his gloves and kept the bizarre looking instrument back in its place. I was eager to know what the problem was. He said my “too” was infected and he has to do a ROOT CANAL TREATMENT (RCT). He showed me pictures of a tooth’s anatomy which looked like mountain ranges for me. He didn’t even wait for a YES from me and started his treatment.
He first gave me a local anesthesia and waited till I lost my sensation in that part. He then started working on the tooth and I had no clue what was happening. After a couple of minutes he asked me to spit in the basin and I saw myself spitting blood. I felt like a vampire with blood in my mouth. After sometime he asked me to leave and come after a couple of days. My second sitting with him was without any anesthesia. This time he started drilling to the root. The ROUTE to the ROOT was excruciatingly painful. He was drilling so deeply that I thought the “7 shaped” needle might come out of my head. I was slowly marching from being a DENTAL patient to becoming a MENTAL patient because of the pain. After a couple of more sittings, the similar procedure followed and I had a cap fixed on that part and was feeling much better. Finally he gave me the bill and I should really accept the fact that was more painful than the whole process.

Size Zero
I guess most of you know by now what this term means; Size 0 is a woman's clothing size in the US Catalog Sizes system, believed to be equivalent to a UK size 4 or a Europe size 30. It is also a concept within the fashion media relating to models with low body mass. (Courtesy: Wikipedia). Actually it should be relating to models with ABSOLUTELY NO body mass. The models in the fashion industry nowadays are so thin that they can even take bath in a fountain pen. This concept has reached Indian models and actresses as well.

Yesterday I saw an article on a website which said Mallika Sherawat has shed some weight. Then only I realized that she can shed weight also(pun intended!!). Kareena Kapoor has lost so much weight that only Kareena is there and Kapoor isn't. We have to look at her twice to catch one glimpse of her. May be a double role in her movie will make us see her fully. I heard these actresses are using wrist bands as belts and they are disappearing if they turn sideways.

Obesity is an EXPANDING problem and my tummy makes me slightly (??) obese. But there are really obese people in my office for whom, if you take a photograph you have to write PTO on it as it would continue on the other side as well. If they go to a zoo, the elephants there would give them bananas and make fun of them. Even though I was not that fat, I was slowing proceeding towards that. I wanted to be on a diet and go to gym as any common man would think. I asked a dietician for advice. He asked me to cut down on only 2 things... SOLIDS & LIQUIDS. I think he wanted me to have Size zero but I would include a 5 before that zero. Being a food fanatic, I simply cannot accept that and decided to cut down on fatty items like egg and mutton. I was not so fond of eggs, the last one I saw was on my Maths exam answer paper but I love mutton. Some 2 years back when I sit to eat, there will be more number of mutton on my plate than the number of the button on my shirt. To cut it short, I was the perfect example of the saying "TASTE MAKES WAIST".

The next step is working out in GYM. I am that kind of a person who never even cross a Gym on my way to office. Now I had to go inside and work out. When I went there and had a look at others who were working out my mind was telling me that I m not these kinds. There was a guy whose body was perfectly built like a huge mall and the steps in the mall were on his tummy. I have heard of 6 pack abs but that was 8 pack. I was standing there with only one pack on my tummy - the FAMILY PACK. Then came a guy to talk to me and understand my requirements. He asked me to wear loose clothes when I come there for working out. I was telling myself that if I had loose clothes why should I come for working out. Being a very lazy person, I have decided not to go to Gym but try to reduce my tummy through dieting only.

I find it so difficult to diet or work out. I dont know how these models and actresses are living with only juices and salads and working out drastically. I feel they are becoming more weak than presentable on the ramp. If it continue to be like this one day we will have models who when they step on a weighing scale, the pointer would move the opposite side . We would like to see the models and actresses on the screen and not their skeletons.

Comedy of errors

Slightly drifting away from my usual way of writing, this post would bring a series of errors made by Indians of different origin while writing or speaking English. Most of us must have grown up knowing the common mistakes in English language especially made by our PT masters. Some of the common ones are "THERE IS NO WIND IN THE VOLLEY BALL", "THE CYCLE IS UNDERSTANDING THE TREE", "DONT GO THERE; PRINCIPAL IS ROTATING THE CORRIDOR","OPEN THE WINDOW,LET THE ATMOSPHERE COME IN" etc. But those have become classics by now. This post would bring you the modern mistakes from my own experiences.

When I was reading a newspaper in Coorg, the headlines on the 3rd page read "DRUNKEN DRIVERS PAID Rs. 500" which can be interpreted anyway we want and another headline read "ONE POLITICAL PARTY (not telling the name for my own safety) IS FIGHTING OVER ITS DEAD LEADER'S ERECTION" (statue's). In the same newspaper one of the Ads read " WANTED: MAN TO TAKE CARE OF OUR COW THAT DOES NOT SMOKE OR DRINK" and another slight mistake which conveys a totally horrible meaning would be from a different Ad " DOG FOR SALE: EATS ANYTHING;FOND OF CHILDREN".

When I had been to Madurai, I saw this board at the entrance of a famous restaurant "PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE RECEPTION AND ENTER RESTAURANT". And after belting properly in the restaurant, as usual one of my friend's stomach was upset. So we had to take him to the doctor and on the way we saw one of the pawn broker's shop where his board read "LAL CHAND BROTHELS" instead of brothers. When we reached the Doctor's clinic, his signboard was no different and read "SPECIALIST IN WOMEN & OTHER DISEASES".

While all that are mentioned above are common mistakes made while writing, mistakes while speaking would be even more funny. Just as LOINS are the king of jungle in some places in India, JAIL will be used for sticking two broken parts. CARD (curd) will be used for eating and some of them drive their cars on RODS and have SNAKES with tea while some of them use PAIN for writing. Some of them even wear SHAARTS (shirts) on the top and SHAARTS (shorts) on the bottom as well.

When I had been to an antique shop for buying a gift for my friend's wedding, I found that shopkeeper to have a very funny accent. When I was looking for the gift, that guy was talking to his friend trying to play a prank with him. He dialled and asked "IS IT TREE,PHOR,ATE,NANE,PHIVE?" and I dont know what his friend replied. He laughed loudly with DTS Surround effect which reminded me of Ram Gopal Varma's funny ghost movies. He said "I WAS TASTING YOU!!" and again continued that Dolby laughter which made 2 bronze statues in his shop fall and break. Then he was talking about lunch and said I am having "PISS FRY" today and it seems that its a "GOLDEN PISS". I bought a bronze statue of a woman and took it near him for billing. He saw that statue 3 , 4 times thoroughly and asked innocently "DO YOU WANT ME TO RAPE IT FOR YOU??" I ran out of the shop as fast as I can till I PINISHED my RAN....

Siva’s wedding

Siva was the sixth wicket to fall in our wing getting clean bowled by Swetha. His marriage was held in a village called Thekkur (don’t ask me the whereabouts of this place; I am still as ignorant as you!! Its not there in any form of Tamil Nadu map) It was a pleasant evening when I along with Raji, M and P set our journey to Trichy by train. There was a cute little baby in our bay who was the center of attraction to everyone in the train and of course along with M. To be very precise, M's actions are so robotic and slower than Rahul Dravid's batting in tests. All the passengers were amused to see the baby because they would not have seen such a cutest baby and similarly they were awestruck about M because they wouldn’t have seen such a weirdest creature. The baby thought M to be its Robot toy and started pressing his nose expecting the robot to make some sound and was looking for battery on his back. Poor baby, she doesnt know that God used seven sigma technique coupled with Chinamatic Japanese Technology to manufacture that Robot which operates without battery.

We reached Trichy at 4 45am and Chennai guys joined us at 6 am. All of us started our journey to Nerkuppai (Siva's native place - another non-existing village in TN map). The journey was about 2 hours and we reached his Nerkuppai. We saw the board "Nerkuppai Welcomes You" and was enquiring where his house was and after 2 buildings we saw the board "Thank you for visiting Nerkuppai". One of the two buildings happened to be his house and we got ready there and proceeded to Thekkur which was about 10 minutes drive from there. Thekkur can give a stiff competition to Nerkuppai for its immense size. By mistake if you drop your hand kerchief on the road, it would become a carpet for the entire village. There was a huge house decorated with flowers and lights welcomed us to the village.

When we stepped in, Siva was tying the knot. He was such a KNOTTY boy that he took 5 minutes to complete three knots. The couple were looking great together. It was the first time we attended a Chettinad wedding and it was so different from others. The number of formalities in the wedding were so much that it merely outnumbered the number of tamilians living in Bangalore. Swetha's friends who were present there added colour to the wedding and our man A didnt miss that opportunity to flirt with them just to live up to his BITS reputation and to his bitsian name. We wished the couple, had lunch and proceeded to Madurai.

My visit to Madurai was my second, the first being when i was very young. All of us became so religious after reaching Madurai we wanted to visit Meenakshi temple. The cab driver warned us that it would take about 3 hours to complete the temple visit. But when we entered, i found that it was a blatant lie, infact it would take more than 4 hours to complete it. The temple was so vast that if someone gets lost, it would be difficult even for Google searches to find him out. We finished the Goddess darshan and were going around the temple. In our gang, J is so huge that once we mistook him to be the 1001st pillar of the 1000 pillar hall of the temple. There was an elephant and A was scared to go near and get its blessings, so he gave a rotten banana to J who happily blessed him with all prosperity. After 2 1/2 hrs we came out of the temple and got to know that we completed only 50% of the temple - only tem and ple would be completed when we visit Madurai again in Feb for P's marriage.

I know I really made you wait for more than a year for an update in this section. I apologize for the delay from my end and affirm that I would be consistent enough from now on and you can expect new blogs from me with NEW LOOK and NEW LANGUAGE. (George Bush's mother tongue)

Crazy Safari

Coorg, being a wonderful place for a weekend trip from Bangalore happened to be our fourth honeymoon spot. Thanks to my colleagues who had arranged for a package tour (They know that I am as lazy as a slowest tortoise suffering from back ache to book it for myself).

On the second day, there was an optional tour of Nagarahole, a forest which was about 120 kms from Kushal nagar. Raji and I love animals, she likes them in the forest and I like them in my plate. We got ready in the morning and were so enthusiastic to go to the safari that we asked our hotel management for a Tata Safari car to reach the destination. But they magnanimously denied and sent us on the cheapest running vehicle on this Mother Earth, Maruti Omni. The whole of 120 kms was on Ghat roads and there were more pits on the way than the number of entries on a Chinese Phone Book. During every jerk some of the internal parts of the body got relocated and some of them prudently dislocated. By the time we reached there, our lunch got digested but the previous day dinner came to the throat.

We reached at 3 pm and were so excited to know that there was a safari on a van at 3 15 pm. We got the tickets and got into the van and were eagerly waiting for the safari. Slowly the van was getting filled. First entered a very tall man who had to literally crawl to enter the van. I guess it would take 2 days for the food to reach his stomach from his mouth. Then entered a measly person who was so short that even his feet would show up in his Passport size photo. Time was 3 45 pm and we were still waiting and were pre calculating the number of animals we would be witnessing. Suddenly Raji shouted "A Monkey!!" "Monkey!!" and I became curious and looked in to the direction she pointed and found a ugly looking man entering the van and proceeding towards the driver seat. He was so fat that his feet wont even get wet when he is having a shower. He can just maneuver the steering wheel sheerly with his tummy. We were so convinced that there was a mini safari inside the van and were half satisfied with the outcome.

Finally the so called Safari began when the van moved into the deep thick forest. When we entered we saw the photographs of tiger, bear, elephant etc which made our expectations rose as high as the tall person's head. After 5 mins, the van stopped and all the inmates of the van began clicking, we looked outside the window to spot a herd of spotted deers. Some deers got scared at the sight of the 12th Century BC van and ran for their lives. Some of them were bold enough to stand right there while the others were posing for our clicks. The poses were so professional that it would put even our models to Puppy shame. The van moved on and again stopped at a herd of spotted deers and it happened for 20 times. We saw lots of animals - deers, its relatives, its siblings, its parents, its friends, cousins, etc. Yes, we saw only deers and not even a mosquito more. After 45 minutes, the van took one deviation and for the next 5 mins we didnt find any deer. All of us woke up from our sleep and were waiting to see some wild animals. After 5 more minutes the van stopped again and our curiosities reached new heights. We looked into the direction the driver showed and saw a different animal rather a different form of deer - the Sambar deer. We used all the expletives we knew cursing the driver. For the 21st time, the Van Driver became a Screw Driver. After an hour of dejection & disappointment we reached a place where you can find more animals, the city. When we were about to get down, I asked that driver about the non existence of other animals, for which he cooly replied saying that they would be inside and wont come out. He could manage to add salt to the wound. When we started our journey back, I should certainly not deny the fact that even the stray dogs on the road were looking like spotted deers for us. Laughing at our Crazy Safari experience and being so tired I leaned on the shoulders of my DEER wife.