Comedy of errors

Slightly drifting away from my usual way of writing, this post would bring a series of errors made by Indians of different origin while writing or speaking English. Most of us must have grown up knowing the common mistakes in English language especially made by our PT masters. Some of the common ones are "THERE IS NO WIND IN THE VOLLEY BALL", "THE CYCLE IS UNDERSTANDING THE TREE", "DONT GO THERE; PRINCIPAL IS ROTATING THE CORRIDOR","OPEN THE WINDOW,LET THE ATMOSPHERE COME IN" etc. But those have become classics by now. This post would bring you the modern mistakes from my own experiences.

When I was reading a newspaper in Coorg, the headlines on the 3rd page read "DRUNKEN DRIVERS PAID Rs. 500" which can be interpreted anyway we want and another headline read "ONE POLITICAL PARTY (not telling the name for my own safety) IS FIGHTING OVER ITS DEAD LEADER'S ERECTION" (statue's). In the same newspaper one of the Ads read " WANTED: MAN TO TAKE CARE OF OUR COW THAT DOES NOT SMOKE OR DRINK" and another slight mistake which conveys a totally horrible meaning would be from a different Ad " DOG FOR SALE: EATS ANYTHING;FOND OF CHILDREN".

When I had been to Madurai, I saw this board at the entrance of a famous restaurant "PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE RECEPTION AND ENTER RESTAURANT". And after belting properly in the restaurant, as usual one of my friend's stomach was upset. So we had to take him to the doctor and on the way we saw one of the pawn broker's shop where his board read "LAL CHAND BROTHELS" instead of brothers. When we reached the Doctor's clinic, his signboard was no different and read "SPECIALIST IN WOMEN & OTHER DISEASES".

While all that are mentioned above are common mistakes made while writing, mistakes while speaking would be even more funny. Just as LOINS are the king of jungle in some places in India, JAIL will be used for sticking two broken parts. CARD (curd) will be used for eating and some of them drive their cars on RODS and have SNAKES with tea while some of them use PAIN for writing. Some of them even wear SHAARTS (shirts) on the top and SHAARTS (shorts) on the bottom as well.

When I had been to an antique shop for buying a gift for my friend's wedding, I found that shopkeeper to have a very funny accent. When I was looking for the gift, that guy was talking to his friend trying to play a prank with him. He dialled and asked "IS IT TREE,PHOR,ATE,NANE,PHIVE?" and I dont know what his friend replied. He laughed loudly with DTS Surround effect which reminded me of Ram Gopal Varma's funny ghost movies. He said "I WAS TASTING YOU!!" and again continued that Dolby laughter which made 2 bronze statues in his shop fall and break. Then he was talking about lunch and said I am having "PISS FRY" today and it seems that its a "GOLDEN PISS". I bought a bronze statue of a woman and took it near him for billing. He saw that statue 3 , 4 times thoroughly and asked innocently "DO YOU WANT ME TO RAPE IT FOR YOU??" I ran out of the shop as fast as I can till I PINISHED my RAN....